Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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