4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
