Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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