Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
