My nipple is on Facebook.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
