I wannas sexs uuuuu
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize