Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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