Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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