Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
