maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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