So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
