Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
