I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
