Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
