please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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