Barsexuality is the new black.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
