If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
