Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
