No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Come see our sink grown plant.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
