Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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