she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
