$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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