We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize