Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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