i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
