so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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