i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They have beer where we have blood.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
