I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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