Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
