So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
