I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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