i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
