when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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