South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
