i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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