WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
