Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
