I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
