The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
