I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
