I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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