So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
