I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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