i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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