He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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