I wanna passion pit in your ass
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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