There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
