I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
