My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
