i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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