Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
