Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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