Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
