he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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