I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Randomize
