My nipple is on Facebook.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
