His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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