did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
