East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
