Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
