I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
