Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
