im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
