yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize