a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize