We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
