and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
