just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
