I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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