did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
