i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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