I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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