Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize