just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
