i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
