im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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