apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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