You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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