Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
